2 士梅專欄 你避而不談的(doc)
2. What You Don’t Talk About! One of the recurring1 questions that my students in China often ask is: “ What are the things they shouldn't talk about with Americans?” Taboo2 topics tend to make people feel uneasy3. Every culture has these off- limits4 subjects. In ours, the following immediately come to mind: 　　1. Age Yes, age is a very sensitive subject to many Americans, especially to women over age 30. In this youth obsessed5 culture, the thought of growing older is a painful one and most of us, if possible, would like to have nothing to do with it. Unfortunately aging is one of the inevitabilities of life and it happens to the best of us. As a result, many Americans work hard to maintain a youthful appearance or at least give the illusion of youth. So the last thing they want is for someone to rub6 their faces in harsh7 reality and ask the unthinkable, “ How old are you exactly?” 　　This question may result in replies like:“ How old do you think I am?” “ 30ish, 30 something. I'm in my thirties. Let's just leave it at that8.” “ I can't remember.” “ Oh, don't ask me that.” “ I stopped keeping track9 after I turned 30.” “ A lot older than what I would like to be.” 　　Anyhow, if you are dying to know someone's age, this is how you could go about finding out. First you estimate their age by their appearance and mannerism10.Then you subtract11 ten years from that estimation. I guarantee you will get a big smile from that person who will also blush and say, “ Wow. You are my best friend. I'm 38 already. Can you believe it?” You, of course, reply, “ No. I really can't. You're kidding. You don't look a day over 28.This is amazing.” Now that's one surefire12 way to boost someone's ego! 　　2. Weight This is one of the touchiest subjects. In America, it is okay, even desirable, to be thin but it is a sin and a huge embarrassment to be overweight. In fact, the thinner you are, the prettier you are considered. Flip through any American fashion magazines, you'll notice that most models are nothing more than skin and bones.A woman who sports this emaciated13,skeletal14 physique is called a waif 15,which is a thin person who appears fragile16 and needy. Believe it not,the waif look was the hottest look of the 1990's. Of course,there are obvious health related advantages to having a slender figure but please don't over diet for the sake of vanity.You could potentially become a victim to horrible eating disorders like anorexia17 and bulimia18. 　　Americans are very weight-conscious and rarely disclose how much they weigh...even if they are thin and in great shape19. Therefore, you best not to ask. But if you absolutely have to comment on this subject, it's always safer to say, “ Oh, you look like you have lost weight” than “ Oh, you look like you put on a few pounds.” However, if you would like to be honest but not hurtful, I recommend you choose your words carefully, perhaps by saying:“ Hey, you look great. Very healthy looking.” And always remember, it's not fat. It's muscular. 　　3. Income You should never ever ask how much someone's salary is. There's no way around this one. However, it's perfectly appropriate to ask about their job title and what they do for a living. This information should give you some idea how much they make a year. 　　4. Matters of the Heart This is a tricky one. Sometimes you'll run into people who can't wait to pour their hearts out to you. Then there are those who make sure their personal business stays behind closed doors20. The general rule is to not get too personal, too fast. You don't want others to think that you're prying into21 their lives. Therefore, try not to ask too many questions about someone's love life, marriage and family until you have a friendship with this person. Even then, you better wait for your friend to come to you with the matters of their heart. 5. Is It Real? Many Americans are proponents22 of the all-natural look. Stick with what Mother Nature gave you and do the best you can with it. But how many truly abide by23 this principle? With plastic surgery24 and products like colored contact lens25, hair coloring, acrylic26 nails, etc, the answer would be: not many. I suppose some of us either like to experiment with our looks or are simply unhappy with what we're born with. 　　As artificial as the results of these physical alterations may be, they are done to imitate nature. At the end of the day, people want others to believe they're simply born beautiful. So don't ruin it for them by asking, “ Hey, I love your eye color. Is it real?” 　　What makes certain topics taboo? These topics may lead to disclosure27 of information that people don't want others to know about. In other words, sometimes it's not so much that you asked the wrong question, but that you touched a sore spot28. Regardless, it's difficult to always avoid conversation landmines so be sensible, watch your step29 and try not to open a can of worms30. 你避而不談的 我的中國學(xué)生反復(fù)提的問題之一就是，“他們不該與美國人談?wù)摰氖聝河心男?”忌諱 的話題往往會(huì)使人尷尬。每種文化都有這些禁忌的話題，在美國文化中，立即可想起的 有下列幾個(gè)： 　　1.年齡是的，對(duì)許多美國人來說，年齡是個(gè)非常敏感的問題，特別是對(duì)年過30的女 人來說更是如此。在這個(gè)崇尚年輕的文化中，想到變老是很痛苦的，我們大多數(shù)人，如 果有可能的話，都不想沾它的邊。不幸的是，變老是人生不可避免的事情之一，誰都不 能例外。結(jié)果，許多美國人竭力想維持外貌的年輕，或至少給人留下年輕的假象。所以 ，他們最不愿別人當(dāng)面觸及痛處，提那個(gè)令人不快的問題：“你到底多大年紀(jì)了?” 　　對(duì)這個(gè)問題可以有這樣幾個(gè)回答：“你認(rèn)為我多大了?”“30來歲，30左右。我30多歲 了。咱們不談這個(gè)了吧?！薄拔矣洸坏昧??！薄班蓿瑒e問我這個(gè)。”“我一過30，就不記年齡 了。”“比我希望的要老得多?！?　　不管怎么說，如果你極想知道某人的年齡，你也是可以打探得到的。首先，你從他 們的外貌和言談舉止估算年齡；然后，從你的估計(jì)上減去10歲。我敢擔(dān)保此人會(huì)沖你綻 放笑容，還會(huì)紅著臉說，“哇，你是我最好的朋友。我早就38歲了。你能相信嗎?”你當(dāng)然 會(huì)回答，“不，難以置信。你在開玩笑。你看起來連28都不到。真讓人驚嘆?！边@招肯定 會(huì)讓人的虛榮心得以滿足。 　　2.體重這是最敏感的話題之一。在美國，長得瘦是不錯(cuò)的，甚至?xí)屓肆w慕，但超 重就讓人極為難堪，是種罪過。實(shí)際上，你越瘦，別人會(huì)認(rèn)為你越漂亮。隨便翻翻美國 哪本時(shí)尚雜志，你會(huì)發(fā)現(xiàn)大多數(shù)模特都是皮包骨頭。瘦骨嶙峋的女人被稱為細(xì)挑個(gè)兒， 看上去弱不禁風(fēng)。不管你信不信，細(xì)挑個(gè)兒可是20世紀(jì)90年代最酷的。當(dāng)然，苗條的身 材顯然還有健康的體格，請(qǐng)不要為了虛榮而過于節(jié)食。你可能會(huì)成為可怕的飲食失調(diào)的 受害者，如厭食和食欲過盛。 　　美國人很關(guān)注體重，且極少披露他們的體重……即使他們很瘦，身材很好。所以，你 別問為妙。但如果你非得要講，那就說“噢，你看起來掉磅了”，比“噢，你看起來像是重 了幾磅”常常要穩(wěn)妥。然而，如果你想說實(shí)話但又不傷人，我建議你用詞小心，或許可以 說：“嘿，你看起來棒極了。很健康?！鼻f要記住，那不是脂肪，是肌肉。 　　3.收入你絕對(duì)不要問別人掙多少錢。這沒什么可說的。但你完全可以問他們的工作 頭銜和以什么為生計(jì)。這個(gè)信息可以讓你對(duì)他們一年掙多少有所了解。 　　4.心里的事這是個(gè)很微妙的問題。有時(shí)你會(huì)碰到迫不及待向你傾訴心聲的人。但有 些人時(shí)刻確保自己的私事不為外人知曉。總的規(guī)則是，不要太急于跟人談個(gè)人私事。不 要讓人認(rèn)為你在刺探他們的生活。所以，不要對(duì)別人的愛情、婚姻和家庭情況提太多問 題，直到你跟此人結(jié)成了朋友。即便那時(shí)，你最好還是等著你的朋友帶著心事來找你談 。 5.是真的嗎?許多美國人都主張?zhí)焐南嗝病?jiān)持從母體帶來的一切并盡力善待之。 但有多少人真正地遵守這一原則呢?答案是：不多，因?yàn)橛姓问中g(shù)和諸如有色隱形眼鏡 、染發(fā)劑、丙烯酸指甲等產(chǎn)品。我猜我們中有些人或者喜歡去嘗試換個(gè)長相，或者就是 對(duì)自己天生的長相不那么滿意罷了。 　　盡管這些實(shí)物改變的效果足可以假亂真，但它們還是仿真的。到頭來，人們還是希 望別人相信他們就是天生漂亮。所以別問：“嗨，我喜歡你眼睛的顏色。是真的嗎?”免得 讓人失望。 　　有些話題為什么犯忌呢?因?yàn)檫@些話題可能會(huì)把人們不愿為外人所知的情況泄露出去 。換言之，有時(shí)你提錯(cuò)了問題倒沒什么大不了，但你卻戳到了他人的痛處。不管怎樣， 在談話中往往難免觸雷，所以頭腦要清醒些，行事要注意些，盡量不要去觸及那些忌諱 的問題。 1.recur[ρι5κΕ:]vi.反復(fù)出現(xiàn)，復(fù)發(fā) 2.taboo[τΕ5βυ:]adj.忌諱的 3.uneasy[Θν5ι:ζι]adj.尷尬的，窘迫的 4.off-limits[((((((((((]adj.[美]禁止使用的 5.obsess[Εβ5σεσ]vt.迷住，使著迷 6.rub[ρΘβ]vt.觸怒，惹惱 7.harsh[ηΒ:Φ]adj.無情的，嚴(yán)酷的 8.leaveitatthat[口]就到此為止，別再說什么(或做什么) 9.keeptrack(of)記錄，計(jì)算 10.mannerism[5μ“νΕριζΕμ]n.舉止，(說話的)姿勢 11.subtract[σΕβ5τρ“κτ]vt.減去 12.surefire[5ΦθΕφαΙΕρ]adj.[美口]一定能成功的 13.emaciated[ι5μειΦιειτ]adj.消瘦的，憔悴的 14.skeletal[5σκελιτλ]adj.骨瘦如柴的 15.waif[ωειφ]n.細(xì)挑個(gè)兒 16.fragile[5φρ“δ
2 士梅專欄 你避而不談的(doc)